


Delicate Sensibilites

by Jamiebeth



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Guillermo is still a familiar, M/M, Nandor is still Nandor, Post-Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:19:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26137198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamiebeth/pseuds/Jamiebeth
Summary: In which Nadja insults Nandor, Nandor insults Guillermo, Guillermo freaks out, and Nandor finally gets a clue. Slight crack of the romantic variety.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	Delicate Sensibilites

“Too late! What’s done is done and cannot be undone!” Nandor shouted, storming into his crypt and slamming the door behind him leaving a fuming Nadja and a befuddled Guillermo in the hallway.

“Nnnrghh!!” Nadja screamed in frustration. She pointed a sharp-nailed finger at Guillermo. “Fix him! He’s your responsibility!” 

“Me? What happened?” Guillermo asked, puzzled by the vitriolic display he had inadvertently walked into.

“Your stupid arrogant vampire is insulted because I told him an extremely obvious truth about himself that everybody knows and now he’s mad at me.”

“He’s not my vampire!”

“Well he isn’t mine!” 

“What did you say to him?”

“I don’t even remember now, it was so insignificant. I’m already bored of this conversation. Laszlo!” Nadja yelled, and turned into a bat to fly off and find her husband, leaving an even more befuddled Guillermo in her wake. 

Guillermo resigned himself to doing damage control, or else Nandor would be impossible to live with. He rapped on the door to Nandor’s crypt. 

“Who is it?” came a forlorn voice from inside. 

“It’s me.”

“You may enter, but not Nadja!” 

Guillermo opened the crypt door to the sight of Nandor in his coffin, the lid open, his arms folded across his chest. 

“Are you ok?” Guillermo asked. “Nadja said you had a fight.”

“If you call her giving me the worst insult in the history of insults a fight, then yes, we had a fight.” Nandor rolled his eyes at Guillermo’s obtuseness. 

Guillermo pulled a chair up to the coffin, making himself comfortable. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night. “What was the insult?” 

“It’s too embarrassing.”

“You can tell me.”  


“No.”

“You sure? You’ll realize it was silly, and then you’ll feel better.”

“Maybe…maybe if you tell me the worst insult you ever received, I’ll tell you what Nadja said.” Nandor noticed Guillermo’s hesitation. “If you don’t, I’ll be all alone in my saddest misery.”

“Fine,” Guillermo conceded. But which to choose? A shy, chubby kid, he’d been the victim of bullying since kindergarten. Taunts, insults, physical violence…there were so many incidences that they blurred together. Maybe the most recent one since it was still fresh in his mind? “My friend Jeremy called me an idiot.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. 'Cause I fall for guys who are way out of my league.”

“Wait a minute. Jeremy of the virgin blood? Who was deflowered at the orgy?” Nandor asked.

“He and Constantine are still together if you can believe it,” Guillermo replied. 

“Wow.” 

“Jeremy says I put my entire life on hold waiting for these out-of-my-league guys to throw me crumbs, and when they’re the slightest bit nice to me I forget the millions of times they treated me like shit.”

“Your friend Jeremy is kind of a prick,” Nandor said. 

Guillermo looked at his hands. “He’s right, though.” 

Nandor, incensed, sat up in his coffin. “No he is not! 

“Yeah, he is.”

Nandor was enraged. He jumped out of his coffin. “No he is not! No guy is out of your league! You are Guillermo Buillermo de la Cruz! You are a mighty vampire killer! Any guy should beg at your feet for scraps of kindness from you!”

Guillermo stood up. His heart had almost skipped a beat at Nandor’s impassioned declaration. Could Nandor really think that highly of him?

“And if they don’t, it reflects badly on me!” Nandor continued. 

Of course not. Guillermo, you idiot. “Can’t have you looking bad,” he replied dejectedly.

“No,” Nandor said without guile. “It would be career suicide.”

“So what did Nadja tell you that was so hurtful?” 

“She said that I’m in love with my familiar. Can you believe it? Of all the tasteless, disgusting, horrible words she could have uttered from her mouth. Guillermo? Are you even listening to me?” It appeared to Nandor that he was not; rather, Guillermo was intensely studying the wallpaper. “Guillermo?”

“That’s really horrible. You’d never stoop so low,” Guillermo finally replied.

“Exactly. One does not go around with one’s familiar except for cheap sex and hair shampoos. Are you upset? I sense that you are not happy right at this moment,” Nandor said.

Guillermo tried and failed to hold back a sob. “Are you crying now?” Nandor asked, putting a gentle hand on Guillermo’s shoulder. “Please don’t. It’s horrifying to imagine a familiar and his vampire master in love with each other, but it is nothing to cry over. Although I appreciate your empathy in this matter.”

Guillermo searched Nandor’s eyes for any sign of understanding. “Why? What’s wrong with me?” he asked plaintively.

“Huh? Nothing is wrong with you.” Nandor did not follow Guillermo's train of thought, though it pained him to see his familiar so upset. He brushed a tear from Guillermo's cheek.

“Then why won’t you love me back?” Guillermo asked. Nandor froze. Guillermo watched in fascination as different emotions played out on Nandor’s face: confusion, disbelief, confusion again, befuddlement, more confusion, bewilderment, more disbelief, one last bit of confusion, tentative hope, and finally anger. 

Nandor growled harshly, “You are my familiar! It is simply not done! It is like playing with your food, even though I would never eat you. No! Never with a familiar!”

“Well…What if I wasn’t your familiar anymore?” 

“Guillermo! Think of what you are saying!”

“According to you, a vampire being with a familiar is horrifying, disgusting, and tasteless. So, what if I quit?”

“You…would do that for me? You would give up your wonderful life of being at my beck and call, finding me victims, burying corpses, and cleaning semen off the walls so we could spend eternity in each other’s arms?

“Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Yes, I would do that for you.”

“Although you've left twice before, that is a lot to ask.”

“I quit!” Guillermo exclaimed. 

“Again you quit?! You would abandon me a third time?! Unbelievable!" 

Guillermo tried not to become frustrated, silently begging Nandor's brain cells to start working. 

"Oh! I understand!” Nandor exclaimed, his entire face lit up with happiness. He pulled Guillermo into an enthusiastic bear hug and then released him just as quickly. He rushed over to the window, frantically ripping aside the protective layers of heavy fabric to open it and stick his head out and proclaim, “Hear me, mortals! I am Nandor the Relentless, a proud and powerful vampire! Guillermo Buillermo de la Cruz is no longer my familiar! We are lovers even though he is a vampire killer!” 

“You don’t…you don’t need to do that,” Guillermo said. 

Nandor slammed the window shut. He turned to a blushing Guillermo. It was endearing how easily he could embarrass his little fa--... his little lover. He closed the distance between them and put his lips against Guillermo’s ear. “Nadia was right.” 

He enjoyed Guillermo's radiant smile as he escorted him to his coffin to start their life together.


End file.
